Surprise (actually not at all)

My Dad's surprised Birthday party was today. It went well at first, it had remained a secret for almost a year and my dad didn't suspect a thing. Apparently, more confused than anything. We're late, as we almost always are. It's who we are.

The DJ wasn't very good. It played nothing but bland popular junk from a year ago for sixtyth Birthday party. He played the music too loud. I don't get this obsession with baring music where it's too loud to think. I'm bias though because too loud music it sets off my autism. They must be a specific name for that trait but I'm not sure what it is. I know other disorder have that trait as well. I hate badly sound level music. He had the dance crazed songs, which are fun for kids but none of the adults were drunk enough to join in at this point. He then played a game that upset half the kids. He played the chicken dance, which from googling was a first proper dance craze in the 80s so many different options. Near the end of the party, he played more decent stuff suited to 60th Birthday party.

My criticize of the DJ doesn't really matter, especially as I do have an open hate of most popular music the past few years and dances crazes are mostly just stupid in reflection. The Ketchup dance maybe most of all.

The party basically proves that my family can't all be in the same room for longer than two hours. Several meltdowns and people who should know better. Someone would have a field day psychoanalyzing my family. Most everyone needs therapy. I know I do.

I had managed to keep my mouth shut, though I heard dumb shit that night (more so after). Basically, one of my sister shouted at my little brother for a full minute because he hit with a inflatable hammer. He ran off and hide, had meltdown. He’s having a lot of life issues right now. He’s not completely in right, but he’s also a bag of hormones that has been raised wrapped in bubble wrap by my father who feels so much guilt, which isn’t healthfully. Like I said we all have issues we should work through. I’m annoyed at both of them really. They both need better ways of dealing with things.

My dad then went said stuff he shouldn’t have said, because my dad has anger issues. This all happens when I’m in the car talking with my little brother and asking why that upset him so much. I get out the car and have conversation with my mum, who goes to see my little brother whose still in the car because I told him to stay there till he calms down.

My sister storms out, just as I’m about to go back into the hall, says she never see me again. I have done nothing or said nothing at this point. We’re meant to be going to see Wicked in May. So awkward.

My brother ran off again which I’ve told him already he has to find better coping methods than that, because people. Like go to the bathroom, not into a dark street that you don’t know. I call my brother to come back, whole much of stuff happened during this. I’m stressed out and trying not to cry because all emotions are connected my eyes.

I then told that sister that she should have known better and that I think its terrible the way she talks (or treats) her autistic kids. I was in a half meltdown, so I fucked my voice saying that, lost with two sentences. I do feel that way, but I shouldn’t have shouted that at her in parking lot (I’ve been told I shouted, but to me probably just angryish, I don’t know it wasn’t conscious choice to shout). Apparently, someone walked by and saw “two lassies shouting at each other.”

I know I did it because I was stressed the fuck out. Then my disabled dad, had the brilliant idea to walk off after my little brother was caught. So I went and got my keys so I could drive after him. Worried sick, I’m going to find him collapsed some way. I’m just glad I don’t drink. I drive around for half an hour, go to where we meant to be staying and he’s not there. But my dog is still happy to see me. Though, I have no key to say hello to her properly. Just happy wagging tail through frosted glass.

I go back to the party because I’m terrible with directions and stressed out so probably not the safelist state to be driving.

Though, tons out most of my make-up choices are waterproof, though still think I haven’t found the perfect foundation for me. Now, the gone for all make-up users. I never got to go in the photobooth so didn’t get my memorian photo. Parties ain’t my thing anyway, so I didn’t expect to have a good time, but I was hoping there wasn’t a incident that will be forever be a bloody thing.
Now I’m off to get a job in soap so I can least make bank off of my family drama.

P.S.
Hey, Cunt if you're reading, which you might because you are a weird fucking stalker that lies about it, the reason we don't think you understands siblings or people in general, is you think family loyalty isn't a thing people typically have. I know my brother is a complete freak, because I would have dumped you the moment you called my mother a bitch. Yeah, I remember that. I remember a lot thing you did, like that letter you sent me which is why I will never speak to you again. I have a ligit reason never to speak to you again. You're angry at me, because I'm rightfully angry at my brother and I was 16-year-old who failed my exams who didn't want to be in a wedding for relationship I was against and for a brother who didn't speak to me unless I told him he was arsehole which he was being. Then he tells my mother without having a conversation with me about it, like I was four and I hit him with a block. He never asked why I was calling an Arsehole. At that point, my hair meant a hell lot more to me than either of you did. Even if it didn't, what was the point of being Bridesmaid if I wasn't allowed to be myself? Obviously, it didn’t mean anything to either of you.

Sometimes I wonder what sort of relationship you think we had, because I would never have said we were close. The whole being like sister thing was weird to me, even then. I never said anything that personal to you. I did use you a little, which is something I regret doing. You wouldn’t let be angry at my brother, you often force you way into that. I was never that close to you so you were easier to blame for his behaviour, I know you enabled some of it. Between you and him, you got me pointless surface gifts that my brother should have know were useless to me, which is major insult to you for some reason.

The reason I started this note, because you said something about Autism and that thing you to said to my sibling. You said you would never speak to me again. As if you were the deciding factor, I mean maybe you are, considering I'm Selectively Mute and you'll never be worth the energy. You fell out with me, because I said my brother was an arsehole which he was, and I had meltdown. I read the letter again, out of curiosity, you're were always so deluded. The stuff about my mum really tickles me. I started crying and went back into the changing room. You ran away to the breach to cry. I wasn't going to call you that night because the lies you spread about me. There were lies. I said Alan was arsehole and that dress was ugly. I was in very fragile emotional state that year. I thought about killing myself constantly. I was surrounded by unhealthy people. The fun of being Autism and undiagnosed. I didn't have space for you and arsehole to be piling on to that, especially with everything leading up to that making it clear that Arsehole didn’t care that much about me. He might deny it, but that what his actions at the time and have continued to be prove it to be true. Towards other my sibling as well. Since then I've called you cunt, which was true. Mainly because you still had me blocked. you still have my mother blocked and she has did everything to try and mend shit. You’re are definitely in the wrong there. Is because you think I'm sad enough to spy on you? I know you do that through A sometimes. How else did you know I called you a cunt? I also called my oldest sister a bitch and Arsehole an asshole. But it had to be about you. Someone that wasn't part of that conversation, because you didn't want to be. I didn't want to be, that's why I left that chat ten times. Your name begins with a C, it’s as basic as that. It not personal insult. If someone I knew dislike me call me that, I wouldn’t care. I mean I didn’t really have the energy to deal with any of one at the point. I because I angry and annoyed at the people that came adding me. You were only mention because you couldn’t see me and I couldn’t see your chat, I also thought it was fucking stupid to have a chat with someone who blocked someone else in it, I still do. You want have phone calls. I don't do phone calls. I will never say anything of substance on the phone.

Partly generation, mostly Autism and Selective Mutism. Anyway, I'm Autistic and you're don't get to say shit about that disorder, because your action to me and my little brother make clear you don't understand shit. What the hell did you even mean by that? Obviously, I wasn't there, because I was dealing with someone else meltdown. You’ve got me blocked, so not like I can ask you directly what you meant?

I mean still kinda dislike you as person. If you want to have a frank conversation, fine, you’re probably don’t but I would have that with you. The main reason our direct relationship was dead, is that butt into things that ain’t about you. You have no siblings, so never leant that have to let people talk it though and Arsehole still thinks I’m four somehow. Maybe I’m 8 now. That autistic thing is especially mess up considering what you said earlier. Who tells one nephews that they’re favourite, especially when the other ones are standing behind them? The same autistic kid you locked in his room and took his DS off him.

Hey, Arsehole, you’re still dead to me. Congrats, you’re isolated yourself. I can tell you regret somewhat but won’t do shit to fix it. Mum cares and that what continues to be so sad about this whole situation.