The brain is a funny thing.
This week, having completed and got the results back from my Prelims; I felt three things: Distort, Acceptance and Delight.
I've completely failed my English Prelim, getting a measly 21% for the whole thing. I don't care what my English teacher says getting 7/50 is something to worry about even if the upper Higher class did the same thing. Even if it was really hard, I can't justify that. Its less than 10 weeks until the English Exam. As for my essays I knew I had fucked them up the moment I realise I was writing shit in my "Incident" (by Norman MacCaig) Essay and gave up on "The Crucible" one. I have no idea what possessed me to do that one. I went in thinking. I'm going to do "The Cone-Gathers" and poetry. I didn't know enough of the "The Crucible" and I pick the wrong question for it. They was a better question above the one I chosen that mocked me after I had wrote too much to change. So I got 9 and a 5. They had to be the worst essays I've ever written. I had been showing some improvement. I never knew you could get a 5.
As for Biology, I got a B with 71% which would be an A in the exam, but because the Prelim only contend Unit 1 & 2 the A mark was 75% instead of 70%. I can turn it into a A with the Unit 3 Prelim we're sit as soon we finish that Unit and do the Nab. I probably could have done better if I had studied instead have Procrastinated the night before. In my offence, I did go for Biology support the night before the Prelim. Even if I did leave early out of boredom and went to the Library.
Now Maths, I'm rather chuffed with. I got a B! Though, I only just with getting 60% and in the exam it usually ends up being 65% for a B. I was hoping for/thought I had a C. From this I have gain the want, the will to get an A in my exam. Just the idea of getting A with getting an F (I found out that I must have got less than 49%) in the exam last year, fills with glee at the contrast it would be. I now know I'm capable of it. In reality, I'll be a aiming for in 70% range, but I could hit 80.
It strangle though, that I'm getting Bs in all my subjects except for the one I need it in. If I do to pursue Illustration after this year out, then I'll need a B in it at least. I'm going to start studying like bad for all my subjects, instead of just thinking about it, I won't bother with Timetables, I'm just going to go for it.
Speaking of Illustration, my interview for college is this Tuesday. And my portfolio is not done. I have to mount everything for my Development and need to do something about this Solution. I also have to finish a Bat this weekend. I think my Art teacher has had enough of me, if her side re-marks about my lack of smiling are anything to go by.
But still the thing I'm most nervous about is the fact I have to Talk. I DO NOT DO TALKING. I still don't really care if I get in and I know its not hard to do, get into college I mean, its just I get so worked up when I have to verbally communicate. I hate the thought of it.
Still the sooner I leave school the better. The sooner I don't have to deal with the heartless cows (C*nts really) of my school house the better. They're meant to be support teachers, but they've done nothing but undermine me. As said to Mrs Bitch (as I like to call her) "Its not like you give a shit" which goes for both of them. I really wish I had called her a Heartless cow, instead of just thinking it. I know it bad to swear at teacher, especially when she threatening your EMA, it have would felt so good. Maybe, on my proper last day, I will go say to her and fulfil the fantasy of hundreds and tell her exactly what I think of her.
What she gonna do? Withdraw her non-existent Reference?
I'll blame the (suspected) Autism and my "strong sense of Justice".
P.S. Wow, thats a long post and a "strong sense of Justice" is a symptom of Dyslexia.